The Low of the Lows

I'm currently laying on the recliner, feet up, head back and slouched, with my eyes fighting to stay open. I feel like shutting down and resting in peace. It's 6:04pm on May, 4th, 2017. 

I have not felt like myself for some time now. This is quite possibly the most stressful time of my life. Let me show you a little insight:

  • A few months ago, I purchased my first home (kind of behind my parents back) . My parents did not appreciate that, and they have given me the business ever since. I've been trying to revamp the house before moving in and have run into some issues. Most recent, was a basement leak. I still haven't moved into the house.
  • At work, I have been short half of my team. So, it could be fair to say that I am double downed on. And this has been the case for over 2.5 months.
  • Love life, who am I kidding. I've tried to see women for the last 6 months. For some reason, it doesn't work out. I look for those with similar interests and position as myself. I can find a couple, but they don't see it, or I just don't cut it for them.
  • Also, at work, I have brought up the idea of progressing in the next year. Only to be turned down without a plan or path to my goal. 
  • Physically, I have been trying to improve my diet. But, my activity is at an all-time low. My body shows it. I am not ripped as I once was. I have lost my strength as well. 
  • Mentally, I am exhausted after every day of work. I have been having consistent migraines every other day, beginning in the afternoon. Sundays are my worst days. Dreading another work week ahead. 
  • If anyone knows me personally, they know that my grandma is my #1 person in this universe. Her health has been deteriorating for the past couple years. Yesterday, she was put on oxygen. Thinking of her each of the last few nights, I've shed tears.

I am not one to complain or fall into depression. I know several people who suffer from either, or even both. Usually, people around myself find me to be one of the most motivational, ambitious, and inspirational individuals they know. I pride myself on that. And I am definitely not that right now. 

I do not want a savior. In fact, if there will be any savior, it will be myself. I don't have many friends. I don't have anyone in my family my age. Being an only child, I have no path or guidance to follow from an older sibling. Some of you can relate.  

Thinking and speaking from this state is not normal for me. That's my indication of being in trouble. Writing is my most common way of getting things out of my mind and off of my chest. It's the best form of therapy for me. Poems are my specialty. 

So, I want to turn this around. I want to use this as a bookmark in the chapter of 2017. I know that I have a lot of potential for this year. I cannot let that go to waste. I have numerous goals for myself this year. I may be in the dumps now, but do not count me out. I'm going to turn this year around.


Much Love